Hockey, Movies, South Jersey/ Philly stuff/current events/ stupid stories

Monday, March 17, 2003

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Wednesday, January 15, 2003

“Harry the War Horse”

If those of you that don’t know at this point a friend of Tucker’s has been sent to the middle east. I spoke with Price roughly 12 hours before his group was taken on a flight to what he figured would be somewhere in the middle east.

I don’t fear giving away government secrets or anything and I wouldn’t do that I don’t work for the New York Times. It wasn’t exactly secret since cable news network CNBC was lurking about his base for 24 hours covering the story.

Although it would seem there is a pretty good chance that the war in Iraq, has well fallen through I can’t imagine spending time in that area of the world can be all that pleasant. You never know what will happen over in Middle East, or if things will get ugly. Id imagine his crew (not the out of shape South Jersey losers) will likely have a lengthy stay in the desert since they are from what I am told well trained for that sort of thing. Their time might even be longer, since the war has been delayed more than the 5th season of the Sopranos.

Are we going to war with Iraq? I doubt it a this point. Nor am I convinced we should either. North Korea might be a bigger problem than Iraq at this point. I just hope Price is back downing beer with me safe and sound when he returns. Sorry if that sounded gay, but if anyone wants his address to write to him let me know via email.

Oh yeah, he played Harry the Horse in Guys and Dolls in a Sterling play once.


“ Put a Terrorist In Your Tank”


A recent commercial campaign mocks the anti-drug campaign that launched string of commercials late last year talking about how drug money ends up in the hands of terrorists. They also mentioned that the events of September 11th were paid in part by drug users even as harmless as pot users. Several people tell the camera that they helped knock two large buildings down(I wonder if Jay has and jokes he wants to add about that) and help kill innocent people.

The new commercial campaign attacks SUVs because of their poor gas mileage. Like the anti-drug campaigns, they trace the money. From some white dude pumping his SUV, to the EVIL oil company man in a suit, and ending with an Arabic looking solider. They also have one with various others.

Here is some text from the ad.

'This is George,'' a child says in a sing-song voice. ''This is the gas that George bought for his SUV. This is the oil company executive that sold the gas that George bought for his SUV. These are the countries where the executive bought the oil, that made the gas that George bought for his SUV. And these are the terrorists who get money from those countries every time George fills up his SUV.''

Now I am trying to guess what the objective of this campaign is. Is it to get the law to crack down on what kind of mileage a car can get to the galloon? Perhaps. Is it to make us feel guilty every time we fill up the tank? Not sure. Should I try to harm Rich Arter (a SUV owner) the next time I see him for being a supporter of terrorism? Is it just using the events of Sept 11th to farther a anti-SUV campaign that has been taking place since they drove off the assembly line?

Well SUVs have always come under fire for their likeliness to flip over (comically known as rubbering up). I was hit by one once, and it almost put the Tempo in the grave. Luckily, it didn’t rubber up. People said the same things about jeeps when they first came on the market. If people want to purchase dangerous vehicles for traveling at for convenience, does it differ from Motor Cycle drivers doing the same for looking cool?


That’s not the point though I know. But what about me? Is it okay that I supposedly support terrorism just a little bit? Last time I was Mobil I didn’t see special tank for the SUV drivers. So, my money went to the same place as George’s did right? So lets say I at least bought Osma Bin Laden lunch with my money at least once or twice. What about the South Jersey residents who commute to New York City (surprisingly more than you would think) even if they don’t have SUVs. They are likely to burn more gas than a soccer mom who zips around the locally. Should we round these bastards up? Lets say two families decide to go to Washington DC to see sight see. What if they could easily fit both in two cars, but take an SUV do they burn the same amount of gas?

I guess I see where they are coming from, but I think the ads are kind of silly. Maybe the drug ones were blown out of proportion, but I certainly didn’t need 9/11 to tell me drug money supported horrible people. A drive to through Camden tells me that.

A more effective ad might have flashed actual stats. up about how much gasoline they use burn up. Or an alternative solution to natural gas. I want everyone to turn his or her heat off during the cold snap in South Jersey. DO IT!

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

“All You Need is Love!”


Thank you for everyone voting for the story of the year. The winner by a hair is the story of the two lovers Jay and Jenna. To get the full understanding of perhaps why this story may have struck a cord lets take a journey back my fellow readers….come let us go back in time.

Once there was this boy who carried around a bag of lima beans from place to place. A behavior so particular that it earned him the nickname Lima Beanz by his classmates. Lima Beanz dreamed of one day becoming wrestling coach for young boys. He admired the sport’s homoerotic roots and thrill of boys forcefully trying to get one another flat on their backs. Lima Beanz grew up and went away to college and made no friends, because nobody liked him.

Once there was this girl who grew up not to far from Lima Beanz. She was the girlfriend of a pastor’s son. However, she grew up too and went away to a different college, dated some guys and fell in love with her volley ball coach. Therefore, she decided to kick the pastor’s son to the curb, sending him to a period of private hell and misery.

One sweltering South Jersey summer day the boy and girl crossed paths. Ryan and I whitness the start of it all. You see Jenna was on a “break” from her new beau giving the chance to meet other guys that summer while come for school. That day her and Lima Beanz touched lips for the first time. Lima Beanz had to throw out his scientific theory he had worked on his whole college career that girls had “coodies”. It didn’t matter that girls found him repulsive and offensive when he openly degraded them anymore (if he spoke to them at all). It didn’t matter that most girls were turned off about him claiming to be the smartest man alive and God. He didn’t need them.

Because he loves her.

Each summer like the shobies to the jersey shore Jenna came to Laurel Springs. Each summer they did the dance of love under the summer sky. Each time she returned to school she would pull the wool over eyes of her dimwitted farmer boyfriend. While he checked to make sure each chicken was in the coop she quietly shed tears on her pillows.

Because she loves him.

One Summer she did not return, like the summer when the shoobies stayed away from Wildwood due to a sewage leak (thankfully a long time ago and since cleaned, New Jersey and You Perfect Together! ) she stayed away from Laurel Springs for the most part that summer. This didn’t dishearten the now retired scientist. He knew she would soon have a ring on her finger from him. Lima Beanz had ring of his on when he finished college. He spent most of that year sleeping till 4 pm, and sinking into debt. He worked sporadically after getting his education for a couple of years. One employer ousted him cause he didn't like him. That didn’t bother him one bit.

Because he loves her.

Jenna moved back when school was done. With in weeks she forgot the farmer like Hollywood forgot C. Thomas Howell. She was back to locking lips with now more muscular Lima Beanz. Lima Beanz of course had done little maturing since he was a boy. At the same time Jenna decided to date guy after guy after guy after guy after guy after guy. Even Rich Arter for Christ sakes! Eventually she decided to kick the farmer to the mill. After a creepy sexual love triangle was displayed at Drewiebe 2002-bie (don’t ask) which made everyone who witnessed it uneasy and ready to vomit in Drew’s backyard. Luckily people only urinated in his pool. Despite her roster of love interests Lima Beanz was there like a loyal (or stupid) basset hound. (2 votes) She would always return to him though no matter who or how many guys she was seeing.

Because she loves him.


Over the years few girls were fooled by Lima Beanz's outward looks. Though many become disgusted when they got know him as a person he had a few chances. One girl invited him to a Super Bowl party for a guarantee lay. He opted to spend the day with dudes make sloppy Joes. Another hottie (over rated actually) girl wanted him bad, despite seeing him vomit. Instead of rebounding from that fowl, he fumbled. I think I just mixed up 3 sports in that sentence. Good thing no one reads Tucker’s World. Anyway…Lima Beanz even botched up a hook up with Russian Vixen.

Because he loves her.

After dating the equivalent of the population oh Hi-Nella Jenna decides on the day people observe the birth of Christ (sorry drew) that Lima Beanz is her man. She needs a man that who is chronically unemployed., enjoys farting in public places, still finds amusement in playing the penis game while approaching his mid-twenties, checks outs his own body, makes jokes about the events of Sept. 11th, picks on Drew, fears a cigarette smoking man, has blatant repressed homosexual tendencies, is a little girl about his hair, wants retards dead, hated by the vast majority of society including Ryan’s father, has little or no money, has no respect for property of other people, leaves idle cars ignored for months on end, shares a room with this brother, has less ambitious drive than Ryan has a sex drive, socially retarded when talking to authority figures and votes for the same story of the year as her.

Because she loves him.

The odds are stacked against him and their relationship is more controversial than Bush Administration’s relationship with Enron (despite the fact Clinton had an similar relationship) . Jay might only have a pocket full of lima beans and an empty wallet. But he has key to Dukes apartment for nice romantic evenings, and a key to Jenna’s heart. Despite Lima Beanz knowing for years that she is “The One” to the mockery of his peers, and critics pointing out Jenna's fickle cold heart and neither them having the job they want, but everything is going to be okay.

Because all you need is love.


“Rich Men, Poor Men”

I still am not sure about the whole tax cut, because I simply don’t know enough about the economy to know if it will fix the situation. Unfortunately, it is not something I can write strongly about and state a side just yet.

One point of the tax cut (as I understand I could be wrong) would be to cut back on taxing money earned in the stock market, and than cutting back on it when it is passed down after death. I want read more about it before I make an intelligent comment about it. I tried reading TERMINUS but most of it went over my head, and I think it might be more opinion than fact. I would like to see how Drew would fix the economy since he seems to know ahead of time that this tax plan won’t work. I don’t mean that in a mean way. I want him to make up a plan.

Anyway before I get off topic and start talking about gay sheep or comparing people I know to basset hounds again let me get to something that resembles the title of this article. The tax cut has generated belly aching again that I can understand to a certain extent but I don’t really side with. It is a bellyache that has been around since cavemen had more rocks than other cavemen. It will be here when Smell You Later replaces goodbye (Simpsons reference for you people with lives), but I am sick of it.

I’m talking about people picking on the rich just because they are rich. Granted people some people did shady things go earn their green. Granted rich people can be stuck up ( I experienced this before) and not want to associate with blue collar people and can be pricks about the company they keep. But there are a lot of mid income pricks and low income pricks who hate people unlike them just as much. Just work in retail for awhile. I don’t see many people in the middle class hanging out with homeless people. Most people don’t even feel sorry for them, I feel sorry for very few of them. Not that I am a prick. I am aware of the poverty problem. Actually I am currently gathering clothes I don’t wear for good will.

Anyway, people bitch about the tax cut saying rich people are getting too much money back. Do you know why they are making a lot more money back than the majority of the demographics of this webpage? Before you say special interests read this comparison. Let us say Tom Tulish and I go to Best Buy. Tom buys an X-Box, and I buy an Avril Lavigne CD. The next day I let Tom read The Philadelphia Daily News when I am done with it, and so he can ignore merchandise being wheeled out. After reading the people paper for awhile he comes across a flyer for Best Buy offering 10 % everything. Because we know how to bitch out retail employees ( I would never do this though) we go back there and demand them to honor the discount. Tom makes back more money than I did because he spent more than I did.

If I actually had a full time job, I would not expect the government to hand me more money back than Dan K would get. I have not gone through the mundane details to see if either of us would get money back this time around. Of course, I would have to work full-time, but even if I did I wouldn’t make much at my current job to merit a truckload of green. Yes, obviously I need money more than Dan since he makes 70 times more than I do. However, it is not about that. It’s about giving money back that was taxed on the money you earned right?

I don’t want to see the gap between poor and the rich widen anymore as much as the next guy. But I don’t have distain for the rich. I don’t feel they owe me anything. If anything I admire the likes of Bill Gates, Ted Turner, John Rockafeller, and Milton Hershey. Granted it would be hard to give money back to the deceased but do you know why you know all these people and they are rich? Because they freaking earned it. All of them worked hard, or had the smarts to foresee the next big thing coming down the white horse pike. For every rich asshole, there is an honest good-hearted man like the late Dave Thomas. Heck when the stock market was booming in the mid-90s people got rich simply from reading about the market and GASP reading a newspaper. I only hate them, because I am like DAMN why didn’t I think of that!

Not everyone can be rich in a capitalistic society. We need the poor to do mundane jobs, and so the democrats can pay them for their votes. If rich people want to manipulate and take advantage of the weak and lazy than so be it. That is just survival of the fittest that exists in every society. They are also providing them with jobs and stuff to buy. It would have been swell if my ancestors hopped on the Oil bandwagon early last century. The people that were smart enough hard working enough and dedicated enough can pass down their loads of cash from generation to generation now (and the government will tax that too so even after you meet the reaper you pay Uncle Sam). So people with “Old Money” can be stuck up I don’t think its their job to close the poverty gap if they don’t want to. Anymore than if I should give a dollar to some drugged up homeless guy ( home dwelling challenged) if I don’t feel the need.


People who scoff the rich act like America is the only place that has class problems. Our poor people’s living conditions are that of envy in some countries where living to 30 is an accomplishment. As much as I get annoyed that most the Indian gas attendants cant understand what the heck I am saying, you have to admire their balls. Not in a gay way of course, but they found a hole in the system and exploited it.

I just graduated college and I feel like Tim Robbins in the Hudsucker Proxy. I am not really sure what my ticket to ride is going to be yet (hopefully there is one) but I don’t want to fully blame others if I spend my life in retail. Granted the economy is the worst in 3 decades making the job search a big fat bitch. I know part of it is who you know and it would help if I had a distinct dream. I would rather blame myself for not having enough direction. Despite that blaming the man on the moon and people who are richer than you is the American way.

I am not saying everyone can just get money and fortune by simply WANTING. You need a marketable skill if you are out to just make money. Some people would rather just follow their hearts and that’s cool. Those people are usually the most good-hearted people and the glue of society. But if your out to join the top 1 % if you have and idea, an concept, a product that people will want or need, some sweat, hard work, elbow grease, showing no fear, and a way to sell it than you deserve every cent you earn. If the government decides they take too much money from EVERYONE what you earn and want to be fair about it you should get back based on what you earned. Not what you think you are owed. So instead of scoffing the rich, maybe read about how they did it.